WEEK 4

 Hey everyone! Week 4 of writing these blogs. You can probably tell by my writing but it really is not my forte haha. This week I was talking with a friend and we were discussing how males and females tend to express emotions differently and I got to experience that first hand this week. It was very interesting to see. So, back in January one of my best friends tragically passed away and it was and still is very hard for me. This week I had a very hard day and I guess I am not as good at hiding my emotions as I thought I was haha, because one of my friends pulled me to the side and asked if I was ok, and of course I said i was ok because I didn't to burden him with that. But, later that day he came over and I kind of just broke down and cried to him and told him what happened. I was crying so much and I hate crying in front of people because it makes me feel weak but it was so nice to just feel like i was heard and that someone could just listen. But, it was interesting to observe how he was holding in his tears and i am not sure if it was a pride thing where he didn't want to look weak or if he wanted to be there more for me? not sure. But, it really got me thinking why does society put that around men? why are men not "supposed" or show "weakness"? I think that it is so important that men show emotions. It is so sweet to see when a guy gets emotional or truly expresses his emotions. But, when I talk to my gal friends it is so easy to have those hard talk where some tears are shed or just need to get something off of our chest or something. But, with every boyfriend I have ever had so far it is so hard and awkward to have those conversations. I don't know if it me that is the problem with that (which it totally could be because i can be pretty awkward sometimes) but it is painful to have those conversations and it just gets so weird and awkward haha. But, maybe it is just because I haven't had the right guy come into my life where I can have those conversation easily. Like of course those conversations are easier with my guy friends but boyfriends that is just a different story. I think that a big part to my fear of crying is because parent were divorced at a young age and my sister and I were raised by our dad. Which was actually amazing and if I could go back I would not change anything. But, with this stigma around men and not crying, growing up I can not remember seeing my Dad cry except for two times which were from deaths of a family members which is very understandable. But, I think from seeing the lack of that emotion it just made it very foreign for me to see someone cry until college really where my roommates would all cry together and talk things through, which is such a girl thing because I never experienced something like that growing up. I think that society should make it more acceptable for men to cry and not have that strong front. Sometimes it is so nice to cry with some of the people you care about most and to have them be there for you.

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